Family...

I know it has been a few since I wrote anything down. I am sure everyone (the seven ppl that follow this) is waiting patiently to hear what fun and exciting things have been going on in my life. For those of you who I call or see on a regular basis (all seven ppl following this) you pretty much know.
The most exciting thing that has happened is that my boyfriend is now my fiance. I got a big rock to go along with that title to. I always thought of myself as being single forever in the sense of never having the wedding and husband kind of single. While I have always had boyfriends I never felt that any of them were husband material or that they thought that I was wife material. My fiance has changed that train of thought. We have not set a date nor have we even talked about it we are just content with living on this plateau of engagement status for the time being. However the one thing I do know is that I will not be "all dressed in white" as the story goes. After all who I am I trying to fool. I am no virgin bride. So in true pirate fashion my dress will be red. My daughters are excited although the family tree thing confuses them a little. I am sure in time they will understand who is related, how and the official title of relation. My second daughter seems to think that once we are married my fiance will be her dad and her dad will then be her step dad. Poor girl she is so lost when it comes to family. We try to keep things straight for them but it can get very confusing and difficault.
My fiance comes from an awesome tight knit family. Just this past weekend we attended his Grandmothers 95th birthday celebration. It was an all day affair. Family flew in from all over the country. They treated myself and all of my children like we were their own flesh and blood. I had a good time and miss the days of when I was a kid and had the same such parties with my own extended family. Those days are long gone but the memories remain. I hope my children will carry similiar memories. After all how could one forget what a jersey/louisiana accent sounds like or perhaps a canadian/nashville one. The day turned to night and oddly enough all the 95 year old were still kicking. Music runs deep in the heart of this family. A few members of the family belong to a local band. At sunset they began to set up in the back yard to provide a little entertainment for all of us. But before they started to play they announced that my oldest daughter would be performing a cheer first. I wasn't sure if she would go thru with it. All day she was talking about showing everyone her cheers but would get scared right before she was about to do one. To my surprise she did one! It required audience participation, which everyone obliged and joined it. She was smiling from ear to ear with pride. It was one of those moments that I won't soon forget. I am happy to be a part of this family and even happier that my kids are.

p.s. Lillian is almost walking. I am betting within a week she will be walking all on her own. Currently she takes three or four steps all alone. Once she realizes she is walking she gets excited and falls down. Oh how I love these milestones.

Free time...?

I have been having a sort of writers block since my last post. A few times I have opened up this blank format and stared at it. Maybe I was thinking that sitting here in front of it would give me inspiration to write something great. Not such the case. Then I started to think that just maybe I honestly had nothing to write about. After all my life is semi uneventful. My days for the most part follow the same schedule day after day. The weekends are the only thing I have to look forward to. Although not for the same reasons I used to. I used to count down until I could go out and hang out with my friends. Now all the weekend brings is the enjoyment of family activities. I am not complaining by any means. I love spending my saturday afternoons with my boyfriend and all the kids. I just long for the days when it can just be me and him.
Thankfully this weekend we have the opportunity to go out for the evening. My sister has planned a birthday celebration for her 25th. Even though I do not drink and hate drunk people I am looking forward to doing this mini bar tour. It will help to break up the monotony of my everyday life. Since childhood I have always enjoyed just watching people. My mom used to take us to downtown Pittsburgh to window shop. We did not have alot of money then (nor do we have alot now) so we spent most of the day watching the comings and goings of the people on the streets. It was amusing to me to watch people. Please don't think that I am being rude or judgemental when I did this that is not at all what I was doing. I simply observe and if something funny happens I laugh to myself. It is these small moments of comedic simplicity that I enjoy. A miss step on the side walk, toilet paper stuck to a shoe or that one drunk girl in 6 inch heels slowly making her way home. This is what I am going to do this weekend while the rest of my friends get wasted. No kids and Tommy by my side. I can not wait.

Three years have gone by...

Today my son turned three. It seemed like just yesterday that I was being wheeled into the operating room for an emergency C-section. We almost lost him his heart rate dropped dangerously low. He was a little over three weeks premature. Which made him the smallest baby I have given birth to. He weighed 4lbs. 12oz., the doctors at first were almost certain he was well below 4lbs. Once they fluffed him up and dried him off, as they said, he looked bigger. Three days in the hospital, one day under the billy reuben light for jaundice and one car seat test later we were free to go home. Yet I always feared that something was wrong.
My first son died from cancer at 2 1/2 years old. The thought was always in the back of my head that my second son could be taken away just as suddenly. I would watch him sleep to make sure he was breathing. As he got older I would worry about the size of his head. Was it harboring a tumor that no one knew about? It was even more eery to look at him he could have been a fraternal twin to my first son. Not quite identical but close enough to run chills down your back. I catch myself calling him by the wrong name sometimes. I know he is not him but you can not help but wonder. He seems to recognize people he has never met before. While I know he can not replace my first son he has been such a blessing. Everyday he makes me smile. He is one of the most loving and helpful little boys. Quite like his brother was.
We had a scare a few months ago. It was right around the anniversary of my first son's passing. My son started to have these episodes of throwing up in the middle of the night for almost a week. It seemed to only happen during his times of sleep. I made an appointment with the doctor.
The doctor also found it strange. Things like this usually only happen when something is wrong in the brain. She recommended that we wait a few more days and if it did not get better to take him for a ct scan. My heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. I clung to my son tighter. I could not go through that again. I knew the anxiety of not knowing would be to much to wait a few days. I insisted we go right away. The doctor agreed but said it may not be covered under my insurance if I did not wait. Did she really think that would deter me? So the next morning we found ourselves in the ct scan waiting room. The poor little guy had no idea what was going on. I told him we were going to take his picture. That was sufficient until we actually got back to the room. He would not sit still long enough so we had to strap him down. I wanted to cry he was just screaming and begging for me to let him out. I layed on his chest and rubbed his ears to try and calm him through the process. What took just minutes seemed like hours at that moment. It took five days for the results. That seemed like an eternity. All that was running through my mind was all the what ifs? What if it was a tumor? What if it was nothing? It was so close to the day I lost my first son. What are the odds that I would get such horrible news about my second son. I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of those types of things. Finally the call came in everything was normal. The news was great yet I still felt like I had not won yet. I felt like I was running a race. Race against fate of some sort I guess. The end of that race was the age of three. I know it sounds weird but I felt like if we could get to that everything would be ok. I could breathe again. Well this morning we made it. My son blew out THREE candles. At that moment just a small weight was lifted from my shoulders. Though he is not here I feel him everyday and see him in the eyes of my other children.

Potty Training 101

My son will be three in just a few days. Yet he had no urge to start potty training. I had to take over and make it a mandatory thing. Buying two different sized diapers gets pretty expensive. It didn't seem like my eight month old had much interest in walking by herself so I just assumed potty training was out of the question for her. I told my son three days ago that he was out of diapers and I was not buying anymore so he had to use the big boy potty. That statement went over better than I had expected. He did not fuss or whine. I was a little less prepared for what was to come in the coming hours. I only owned three pairs of underwear that santa had got him. Glad I wasn't the only looking forward to no more diapers.
The first two hours of training were spent sitting on the little kid potty seat. We continually pumped him full of apple juice. The theory was if he knew what it felt like to pee in the potty he would just get it. After all he is a smart kid. At the two hour mark he finally relaxed and let it loose. We all did the pee pee dance together. He was so proud of himself. I was so excited I texted everyone and posted it on Facebook of course. The celebration was short lived cause ten minutes later he peed a trail around my entire coffee table. Despite my four hundred questions asking if he had to pee. I changed his underwear and started over. Yet a few hours later I found him in the kitchen with a towel next to him soaking up a puddle. For some reason at first it did not click to me what the puddle was from. I searched for a spilled drink or a leaky air conditioner. Once I figured out what was puddled on the floor I felt a little defeated. But I was not ready to give up yet. What else did I have to do that day anyways. Might as well potty train. I am so happy that I did cause it seemed like he was finally getting the swing of things. He told me every time that he had to go potty and my girls and I dropped what we were doing and manned our stations as I called it. The girls watched the babies. Babies meaning mine and my sisters who I was watching for the night. While I ran and threw my son over the baby gate so he could make it to the potty in time. Every drop of pee was a mini celebration. The grand finale was when he actually pooped. The only thing I forgot to teach him was to wipe his butt. Yep you guessed it he just pulled them up which resulted in poop in the underwear. Not enough to make me gag but enough to change them. I was slowly running out of underwear for him. Bed time came just in time. Pull ups it was. That night I didn't sleep good at all I kept getting up to make sure he didn't have to pee. He went pee twice that night and woke up with a dry pull up. Mission acclompished?
The day was going pretty good only one pee accident and thankfully it was not on my couch. Later in the day he went to his room to lay down and fifteen minutes after he went in there I went to check on him. I opened the door and instantly smelled poop. My worse fears were confirmed, he pooped in his big boy underwear. Underwear is not expensive enough for me to wash and save in instances like this. We bagged them up and threw them away. He was sad about it cause they were his new toy story underwear we bought earlier that day. It was part of his prize for doing such a good job the night before. I revoked the best part of his prize (a toy story beach towel) until he could get it together and not poop in his big boys. Day number three and we are doing good. He even attempted to pee outside today with my nephews who have no problem whipping it out and going. It does not matter where they are park, yard, or street they just go. It was cute to see them all lined up around a pine tree. I hope he is completely potty trained by his birthday. That is more of a present to me than him I guess.

Was wondering if they make a medicine that helps you sleep through your childs teenage years?

My daughters are eight and six according to their birth certificates. Ask them how old they are and sometimes the answer varies. My eight year old "feels" fifteen alot and my six year old talks like she is going on twenty. I always dreamed of having all boys girls were never in my plan. I know what my sister and I were like and what we put our parents through. Karma seems to be passing by my house more and more as they get older. My youngest is so calculated almost like she is always planning something. Since the day she was born I would joke how she had mob connections. With each passing year that idea solidifies. One day Big Sal will be at my front door asking to speak with her.
I treat them sort of like twins in a way. I always dress them in similar outfits. I just yell "GIRLS" when I need them for something. As they get older though I am noticing that they have two opposite personalities. My oldest is full of anxiety. She must know every detail of the day before it starts. If something gets changed like a time we need to leave or something that needs cleaned it throws her into a full blown anxiety attack. It is as if at eight she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. We have helped battle these meltdown with the help of list and not telling her of any future plans later in the week. Her social life is exploding. It seems like every weekend she has a friends house to go to. Her appearance has become important to her. She has a very funky ecclectic taste when it comes to clothes and accessories. Mismatched outfits, two different earrings, scarves, not to mention her hair and nails. I have colored her hair with several colors of manic panic and recently we cut it a little shorter than normal. Now she styles her hair so that it hangs over her one eye. (Her younger sister calls that the one eye.) I am not so scared of her becoming a teenager. I imagine she will be the girly girl that happens to dress like a punk rock star of some sort. As for my other daughter I may need to be put in a coma.
A few nights ago my oldest was of course staying at her friends house so as a special treat to my younger daughter I let her stay up late with my boyfriend and I. She must have imagined a fun filled night of playing on the wii. Probably because we always joke that the adults stay up late every night and play it without the kids to kill us. After convincing her that we did not play the wii on thursdays she settled for sitting on the back porch and hanging out while we talked about our days. That was short lived when she told the both of us to stop talking it was her turn. Her stories started out with innocent talks about what was on the disney channel and then it quickly turned. It gave me a glimpse of what life was going to be like in a few year. It was hard to keep a straight face. She began to tell me how a boy named evan in her class said he was in love with her. They are in Kindergarten. I threatened to find evan and beat him down. She wasn't having that. She then defended the story with the fact that she did not love him. I suppose that makes things a little better. The conversation eventually lead to when she was 16 she would have a car and I was going to get it for her. I declined that idea and told her to get a job. She bypassed that idea and went on to tell me of all the reasons why she may be late for her curfew. Yes she already had excuses such as car trouble and her watch broke. What will she come up with in the next ten years in her list of excuses? I don't want to think about it. I just want to find a medicine that will allow me to sleep through the teenage years.

Life could always be worse.

I know that usually I write about my children and their daily endeavors. I guess in a way I still am. My childrens father is your classic example of a dead beat dad. He has not paid me a dime of support. Not that money makes or breaks the definition of a dad but money would not hurt. I take care of my children with the help of my current boyfriend. Aside from the child support issue he still stinks as a father. Before I went to get court ordered custody he would just come and go as he pleased. I did not think this was either fair or healthy for my children. He continually made promises to them that he would pick them up for the weekend or take them some where fun. He did all this knowing he did not have the means or time to do so. Not that he was working and that is what was filling up his time. Honestly I could not tell you what it was exactly that consumed so much of his time. All I know is that week after week he would not show up when he said he would. As a way of covering up for his lack of responsibility his family would come get the kids and take them to their house. He would eventually show up at some odd hour of the night and wake the kids. As if to say "Look I made it aren't you happy to see me?" That routine only flies for so long. That is why I went to court. I wanted it in writing when and where and for how long. It was supposed to cut out some of the drama The first custody order stated that he could get them when and where I deemed fit basically. I was nice and decided that every weekend from friday to sunday at his parents was sufficient. Obviously he did not think the same way I did cause that rarely happened. Once again I went back in front of the judge and told him the drama he was exposing my kids to when he did have them. He would always talk bad about myself and my boyfriend to them. So when they came home on sundays they were cold to us. Almost as if we had done something wrong. The judge decided it was best if he only had supervised visits from a CYS case worker. It was his responsibility to set these up. Something he still has not done to this day. He still calls me every once in awhile and asks how the kids are. Thoughtful right? Wrong! Calling at midnight to check on the welfare of your children is not acceptable. His family does not seem to quite get it either. They like to call him when they have my kids and invite him down to see them. Which as you know now is against the court order. I am ready to say just @#$% it all and cut them all off. We do just fine without any of them.
That is an example of just one dead beat dad out there. I am sure there are plenty more and there is no shortage of women who struggle to make it on their own. Yet some women who actually have a wonderful dad for their kids just can't seem to see it. My boyfriend is a great dad to his two kids. He pays his support, calls them everyday at the same time to see how they are. Not to mention he gets them every weekend without fail. He would love to get them more but his ex won't allow it. To her life is about money and material things. She thinks money buys happiness. If she needs something she thinks she can just call him and demand it. Now if it was something that was really needed he would have no problem but she demands things just so she doesn't have to use her support to actually support the kids. That is her spending money. How else does a woman who works half the year at maybe ten dollars and hour afford a new wardrobe every season. I will tell you how by living off of others. Yet she loves to cry poor and play the victim. She uses her kids as pawns in a game. They are nothing more than an accessory to her. It bothers me even more that she acts like this because of what I deal with on a regular basis with the father of my first four kids. I would love for her to really know what it is like to raise kids all alone. I haven't bought a new wardrobe since my parents took me shopping for new school clothes! My life is all about my kids. With or without their dad in the picture. Don't get me wrong I would love for my children to have a healthy relationship with their dad. Unfortunately that is just not going to happen anytime soon. I suppose it is hard to appreciate the things you have until they are gone. I just hope someday his ex can wake up and see what a wonderful person he is. I have given up hope on my ex. Life could always be worse. She could have my childrens father. I am thankful everyday for the life I have and wouldn't want it any other way. Life has been worse for me and I will never go back to that.

A night at the drive in

Friday we planned on taking the all six children to the drive in that is at least an hour drive from hour house. That planned quickly failed when the tahoe would not start. So we unloaded and unpacked six kids from the car. Plan B was to fix the tahoe and go saturday night. Tahoe fixed, we hoped. Saturday came and again we started the process of packing the car with blankets pillows and concealed outside food. Our hopes soon faded with the first turn of the key. They didn't get any higher with the other thirty turns that followed. Plan C was to borrow a car from a family member. The children and I unloaded the tahoe and transferred everything into the trunk of my car while we waited for car number 2 to arrive. With the arrival of car number 2 we quickly buckeled all six kids into the two cars and headed out to the drive in. After what seemed like forever we arrived at the drive in. The entire ride I was worried we would get there last and miss the start of the movie. Not to mention would there even be two spaces next to one another. The weather forecast of isolated thunderstorms was not one of my worries what were the odds. As soon as we turned into the lot I was relieved to see that we were not the only ones just getting there. There was about five cars in front of us. You would think that paying was a quick process. Not when it is an 80 year old woman. While waiting I had imagined all the conversations she was having with the cars in front of us. "How is your mom?" "Tell her I said hi." "Oh wow are your kiddos getting big! How old are they now?" After all we live in a small tight knit area where everyone knows everyone. Any other day this would not have bothered me but after putting forth such effort to get here and enjoy the night, the thought of her stopping to talk was irritating. Finally it was our turn. She walked up to my window and asked how many and the ages of my kids so as that she could slowly do the mental math in her head. Then she asked me if we had any outside food or drink. I had a flash of my children tellin her "Yes we have chips and the huggies we take to camp." Thankfully they were to focused on getting inside. I quickly responded with NO. There was no way I was paying $3.00 for a box of skittles! Once inside the fence we drove to a spot that allowed us to park next to eachother. The movie had just started. We unloaded and set up the chairs and blankets and pillows and began passing around our outside food and drink. There was a truck of four adults to our left and a couple on a car on our right. The first movie was eclipse. The movie plot gave and array of mixed emotions among my kids. While a few were excited to see werewolves and vampires a few were scared. This made for alot of reassuring that there would be no vampires or werewolves coming to eat anyone anytime soon. To top off the event the isolated thunderstorms had isolated themselves not far from us. It was quite the light show. Although for some reason it didn't seem to alarm the children in the least. At one point I was certain it would pour down rain but it held off. The first movie ended without any real melt downs from any of the kids including the baby. Intermission made for and eventful half hour which seemed like three hours. The baby was over sitting in the car so we set her on the blanket. She has a weird fear of grass. She isn't fond of touching it with her hands. This helped with keeping her on the blanket. The rest of the kids were dancing and releasing all the pent up energy they had accquired during the last movie. I laid on the blanket with my boyfriend and our baby. The children were getting louder and louder. My first instinct was to rally them all and have the inside voice talk. Instead I left them go and hoped that the nieghboring cars would not get mad. The second movie started just in time. I was close to putting them all in the car to go home. I wish I could tell you what the second movie was like but I am way to old for the drive in. I fell asleep. Not sure if the kids made it thru the movie either. The drive home was dark and long. My eyes were still a little fuzzy from my nap. We made it home by 2:30am. The drive in was not as fun as it once was when I was younger. It used to be fun to go and hang out and see friends and act up. I guess it still is fun just in a different way. It was fun to see the kids reclined in the driver seat and working the wipers. Watching them use there blankets as capes and running in circles. This almost seemed to happen in slow motion like in the movies during a flash back. None the less I did enjoy every minute of it. Especially the nap!