Baggage

I know that everyone comes with a past. Most of those pasts include baggage. I long for the day that we can leave it all at baggage claim. Maybe someone will come along and love it more than we ever did. Maybe if we are lucky enough that baggage will get thrown into an incinerator never to be seen or heard from again. It sounds terrible I know but there are days where that just seems like the only solution. We are stuck dealing with the decisions we made long before we should have been allowed to make any decisions.

Ex's are like the plague I swear. Although, sometimes I would rather bleed from my eyes than to actually have to interact with them. I have a happy care free life. We have no relationship issues what so ever. This is not an exaggeration by any means. We have never had a drop down blow up fight nor have either of us opted to sleep on the couch. For some reason though each of our ex's seem to constantly throw wrenches in the everyday routine. If his ex is not calling and asking for more money mine is calling to say he still has no money. In theory our ex's are perfect for each other. They both are users and manipulators. They sponge off of others until there is nothing left to be had. It is then that they turn on the hand that fed them for years. Living in their own world of delusions where THEY are center of the universe. Neither has ever done anything wrong and will most definately never admit fault in any situation. Both of them are good at playing the victim role at every turn. Since neither one actually is wealthy and have nothing to be used for they would not last long enough for any of us to get pleasure out of it. A girl can dream though right?

Just so sick of bull shit and predictability of the conversations that go on. It did not work so please please move on, grow up, and stop LYIN! You no longer have to impress the other. Focus on your own life and short comings and leave us alone. That is all.

Bitter Bitches make me sick

I do not even know where to begin. I have such an inner turmoil going on right now. It has to do with my fiances ex wife. She hates me for whatever reason. I think it has alot to do with the statement..."You don't know what you had until it is gone." She sent him a text message not to long ago telling him how she missed him and wished that things were the way they used to be. The message went on to say some other things about the hows and whys their relationship failed. In the end she blamed herself. Which is why it is so hard for me to understand why she acts as if I stole her man. They were divorced for at least two years when I met him. She tried numerous times to run me off with all the drama she caused. I never even considered it. I love this man with or without all this mess going on. We are perfect for each other. Maybe that is what eats her up inside. I made it work with him where she could not.
I wish the problem was as easy as that. Although it is not. Her hate for me has trickled down to the two children they have together. As much as this woman tries to convince me that she has never spoken a single bad word to her kids about me I know better. Just last weekend her six your old son spent the day with me because my fiance was working. The entire day was fine he played and had no problems. As we were heading back to the car he turns to me and says that his mom hates me. Now my first reaction was to agree but he is six and I was sure that he had no idea what he had just said. I tried to reassure him that she in fact did not hate me. Who would say such a thing I asked him. He quickly replied with..."MY MOM." I stood there stunned that this conversation was taking place. I just laughed it off but he apparently wanted to make sure that I heard him right cause he repeated it several times after that. He did good cause his point came across loud and clear his mom hates me. Now I can't say that my feelings were hurt. This woman is not worth the time of day. Yet it still bothers me that someone would poison an innocent child to hate a person who helps care for him.
The story does not end here. After a series of events yesterday this woman felt like she should contact me and reassure me that she does not have a problem with me. I proceeded to tell her all the things that her children have told me over the last year or so that I have been in their lives. Of course she denied every ounce of it and stuck to her story of she does not hate me. Her tuned changed when I struck a nerve of how she does not address the problems that her children have. Her son wets the bed still at the age of six. He was diagnosed with a medical condition and has since been put on medication to help stretch his bladder. That is not the problem, the problem is that he has told me and my fiance and several occasions that he wets the bed at his moms house every night too. When asked if he gets a shower in the morning he said no. Come on what kind of mother sends their child to school smelling like urine. When I brought this to her attention her first response was that he does not pee the bed. As we got further into the conversation of bed wetting she again changed her story and said that she does clean him up in the morning. Now if I have not lost you I am sure that you can already see the problem with her story. If he does not wet the bed then what are you cleaning up? This is just one of many examples of how she put her foot in her mouth.
The phone conversation eventually ended when I asked her about the text she sent to my fiance saying how she missed him. At first she denied that those messages even existed. Luckily I saved those messages that were time/date stamped. She had backed herself in a corner. She had spent the last twenty minutes telling me how much of a worthless person my fiance was and that she was the one that kicked him out and she hated him and blah blah blah. Now with contradicting evidence right in her face she did what every bitter bitch does. She hung up and called my fiance to tattle on me. LMAO!
The turmoil comes from the fact that I feel like sides need to be chosen. My fiance talked to his daughter today and of course her mother already told her her side of the story which I am sure amounted to..."She started it!" Classy I know. When he called to tell me that he had talked to his daughter he hinted to the fact that he took a neutral position. WHAT? I guess he told his daughter that none of it should have happened and everyone was out of line. WTF. Mind you this woman contacted me through text message first and when she felt like she was losing the battle she called me. I have never spoken more than two words to this woman. So to call me she must have had something real good to say right? WRONG! She spent most of the time on the phone telling me half truths about her past and current relationship with my fiance. She was the one name calling and screaming. I never once called her out her name. I may have sounded hoodtastic but that is what you get when you make me mad. So why was it that when he talked to his daughter he didn't stick up for me? I mean really I think I at least deserved that. Had she not contacted me none of it would have happened. Was it my fault that the truth hurt her so much? Now I feel some sort of way with the thought of having the kids up here this weekend. She told me that both her kids hate me. I know she is a compulsive liar but where do I go from here. I have four of my own kids to worry about and keep happy. I just don't know if I can do for those kids what I do for my own. My own kids show me love and appreciation. The smiles on their faces are what keeps me going. I don't get the same response from his kids. I just don't know what the next step should be. This every weekend shit just does not work. They really are only here for a day total and that day is spent hating on me mostly. I almost wish that we had moved far far away so that an extended summer vacation is all I had to deal with.

I have never loved my life more than I do now...

While I can not say that my life was terrible from day one it sure has not been the best. I went from an alcoholic father to a worthless boyfriend or two. My mom was always the constant in my life. She has always been not only a great mom but a wonderful friend as well. Despite all the things my dad did to her and put all of us through my mom was always there for us. Yet sometimes I hated her for not getting out of the terrible situation in which we were immersed. I swore I would not do the same to my kids. Yet years later when I had children I found myself there. The father of my first four kids has many issues. I excused them all with very generic excuses that all women use. Finally at one point I just accepted that that was what my life would be like until one of us died. Sad I know but I could not see any other way out of it. I thought since he was the father of my children that should be enough to make it work. But as my children got older I yearned for better for them. I hated living pay check to paycheck. Never having extra money to take my kids to do things or join an organized sport. Hell paying the electric bill every month was a struggle. No one should have to live like that especially when the problem was not that I did not have the money but that the father of my children was sneaking and stealing it to spend on lord only knows what. He was so good at it he started to convince me that I had given it to him or that I would get it back before the rent was due. I mean come on who does that! Why didn't he stress over bills and the kids the same way I did. I started to think maybe I was the one with the problems. Maybe I was the bitch and everything was my fault. I can remember spending days in my house locked away crying because my life had become some empty and dark. I know now that it was some sort of depression. Then one day I woke up and decided I would not allow my children to grow up the way I did with a controlling manipulative person. I told their father that I was done with him and he was free to stay thru the holiday season but then he had to move on with his life. At first he threw a fit and acted as if he couldnt and wouldnt live without me. For a split second I felt pity but then I saw my children standing there in a disheveled home with barely any food in the house and a father that could care less seeing as how I worked 50 hours a week and he worked zero he was the primary care giver. Yet he never seemed to care for the children. Months later I met a wonderful man who I am currently with today and plan to be with forever. I have been with him for almost two years now and I can honestly say we have never really fought. We just fit. Everything about him just clicks well with not only me but my kids as well. Him and I have one child together he does not treat her any different than he treats my children from my previous relationship. I never stess about bills. We are a 50/50 partnership. Whether it be chores around the house, appointments for the kids, or paying the rent he is always there to lend a helping hand. Sometimes he just does it without me asking. I couldn't ask for a better man. I couldn't imagine my life without from this point on. My children for once in their lives have a father figure. Not just a man that donated his DNA. He is there for every birthday party, school event, family outing and not to mention when they are sick. ( I don't do puke lol) The future is bright for us. I wake up everyday with a smile on my face knowing that everything is ok because he is here to help. I can only hope that when my children are grown they can look back on my desicion to leave their dad and say "Thank you mom for wanting and giving us better."