New Years Eve Plans...

Having six children I thought making plans was a ridiculous notion. I was wrong. Five of the children are staying with the "other parent" and the littlest one is going to a sitter. I do not drink and I despise going to the clubs in my local bar scene. It is always the same thing with the same people. I left the planning and ideas up to my fiance. It did not take him long before he suggested we go to a strip club. The club is about an hour away from my house. Oh yea and it features female dancers. Now I am in no way a lesbian. I am comfortable in my own skin and can appreciate beauty and if one of those girls is a bad dancer well then I can hope they can appreciate my laughing. I have invited everyone on my facebook list to join us. So far I have no takers. I doubt I will get any either. None the less we will be down there to ring in the new year with a bunch of people we have never met before. I can not wait!

Doing the right thing.

As I mentioned earlier I work at a truck stop restaurant. This past Friday I was just about finished with my shift, business was slow and they were going to let me leave early. The other waitress had asked if I would watch a few of her tables while she smoked one last cigarette. In the corner booth sat and older gentleman he was maybe 50 years old. He was still looking over the menu when I approached the table. I asked if he was ready to order. Apparently he wasn't cause he shot me a dirty look and continued to read the menu. As I walked away he asked me a number of questions about the menu. When I turned around to answer them I was hit with a cloud of whiskey. This man was highly intoxicated. He reeked of alcohol! His words were slurred and eyes glazed over. This was more than just one beer. At first I was willing to just walk away and pass this over to the next waitress. I rounded the corner and a picture flashed through my mind. Julie Webster sitting in the back seat of a car. Julie was a girl I went to high school with, I did not know her well. I don't even think we ever spoke a word to one another. I never will have that chance either. Julie was killed in a drunk driving accident this past July. Her boyfriend was driving he was way over the legal limit. She died and he lived. Doesn't seem fair does it? Her family is going through hell trying to get Justice for Julie. They have set up a face book page to help with that very process. I joined the page months ago and follow all of the work they are doing along with all of their pain. Her face was the one that made me turn back.
I walked back to the booth and asked the man how he got to the restaurant that night. He quickly replied with "I drove." My first thought was oh my this man is driving a big rig in this condition. I needed more clarification. So I asked what kind of truck he was driving a big one or little one? Again with out hesitation he said "A little one." You could tell my line of questions was making him uneasy. He started to to get agitated and then asked me where I was from. "State College, where are you from?" I said. He answered with "Right here." I then asked him how far he had to drive tonight and he again said "Right here." I told him that was a good thing and then advised him to keep drinking his coffee. That must have really made him mad because he then started telling me and the other customers that my questions were going to get me fired. "I beg to differ." I said as I walked to the office phone. I called Rockview State Police and alerted them of the issue. I did not want to further provoke this man fear that he would get up and leave before I was able to stop him. Needless to say Rockview parked along the road in both directions. I watched that man stumble to his car and finally drive away. Only to be pulled over just a few feet down the road. I let out a sigh of relief. That man was in no condition to drive. I am not positive he would of hurt himself or others if I had not stopped him. I do know that if it wasn't for Julie I may have never said a word.

For those going thru some kind of Ginger with drawl

It has been brought to my attention that I need to step up my blogging game. So here I am writing just for you 13 people. I am not sure what exactly you want to read about. Maybe I should tell you about my new job. After all working in a truck stop restaurant is full of fun stories.
Back in August there was rumor that my unemployment was going to end soon so I panicked and got a job. Desperate times call for desperate measures. What started out as a source of income switched to one day a week. My unemployment had not stopped after all. Since I already agreed to take the job I felt obligated to stick it out. I am glad I did. Cause here I sit now with no unemployment. Tips from dirty truck drivers is what I rely on now. I am grateful to have a job. It is easy money but it does take away from my time with my family. I work Friday to Sunday, mostly nights. Each day I work is sort of the same. I rarely see familiar faces. It is always someone new and of course 80% of my customers base is made up of dirty truckers. They are either covered in grease from their trucks or in desperate need of a hot shower. Now I know I am far from a playboy pin up but that does not deter these guys from making comments. I grew up in a bar with my Dad. For some reason back then it was acceptable to bring your kids to the bar with you. So being around dirty old men is sort of a past time for me. I have heard it all at some point in my life. What really throws me is these guys see the ring on my finger and I talk about my husband all the time... ( I know I am not married but I thought it would cut down on the some of the more ridic comments ) yet they never back down. They always make comments on how I must love sex cause I have so many kids. That is the tamer version of that comment. I even had a guy once tell me that I was lucky I lived so far away from him. Does that qualify as a pick up line? Aside from the constant crude remarks the day is fairly uneventful. Until last Sunday. I was working my usual shift and it was slower than normal. I was planning to leave early. My side work was almost complete and a young Latina woman came in and sat down. I went out to greet her and give her a menu. She asked if 45 minutes was enough time to eat. "45 minutes is plenty of time to eat" I told her. That is when she dropped the bomb she had 64 friends with her. IT WAS A BUS! This was my first bus in this restaurant. I have worked in food service for 11 years so a bus was nothing new. Usually they call ahead and at least warn you though. Needless to say all of the 65 people were Latina and spoke very little English. This made it tricky to take orders. As my team and I are running around trying to serve everyone. It made it a little more difficult because they did not sit right away. They were wandering like mules and grazing on my soup and salad bar. Before I knew it the bus driver was introducing me to the second bus driver. SECOND DRIVER!? Yes you heard it right. Not only did I have one bus with 65 I had a second with 45. That makes 110 non English speaking patrons. When the soup ran low it was like the end of the world. All of them were telling me as if I did not hear the first fifty tell me. Bad news we were out of soup. I could not remember who wanted it and who didn't. They were all still wandering. The clock was ticking and no one seemed to care but us. They all acted as if they had no deadline. That was until I took their orders then it was hurry hurry hurry. So I did what any normal person would do I stood up on a booth and yelled for every ones attention. I cannot whistle so I had to improvise. I made a general announcement about being out of soup and that they needed to sit down so that would could locate them. I am not sure if they understood what I said or not. All I know is the cheered and applauded my announcement of soup. They left as fast as they came. I had to stay late to help clean up and redo my side work but all in all it was a fun night.

Pirate Christmas

I always put my tree up the day after Thanksgiving. This year I was so bored the week before I almost put it up early. Instead I kept myself busy by going to the local craft store with the kids and picking out some extra decorations that we could do ourselves. You see the theme of my tree is not something that is readily available in the Christmas section at any store. I had to improvise. Thankfully all the items I would need to complete my tree were on clearance. Since that holiday had just passed. Yes I am talking about Halloween. My Fiance believes he is a pirate for what ever reason. I do not question it or argue about it. I just accept him for who he is and wants to be. If that person happens to be a pirate well then, when in Rome. So needless to say my entire household is now pirates. The kids love it and even tell all their friends and teachers about our happy little family of pirates. No one has called the authorities on us yet. LOL.

I spent the remainder of the week adding paint, glitter, and jewels for eyes to the skull and cross bone wooden cut outs. I added black ribbon with white skulls to the tops so they could be hung on the tree. Crafty Huh? I was also able to find some Styrofoam skull heads. There was only five of them, really wish there had been more cause they are cute as all get up.

Friday came and I was exhausted from pulling an all nighter at wal mart waiting for a TV that was way cheap. ( Yea there are still some left what the hell did I sleep on the cold floor of wal mart for then. ) While I took a nap my kids and fiance rearranged the living room to fit the tree. I woke up just in time to direct the decorating. There just is not enough room for me and six kids so I leave it up to them. I have red and white lights with red and black bulbs. This year we added the rest of the pirate theme. Skulls, skulls, and more skulls. I love my tree I just hope it does not scare Santa away.

I know I have not posted in a week or two. I suppose I could use the excuse I was busy. Certain days and times yes I was busy but mostly I was just to lazy to type. Please do not take it personal I barely updated my facebook status and I did not reply to any emails either. I have just been stuck to my couch flipping through stations. Of course that was in between my usual daily activities with the children. Cheer ended for one daughter but is still going on for my oldest one. She has another competition this Saturday. Then we are done til next year. I think I will start saving the money now for it to. Cheer was way more costly than I anticipated. But well worth seeing my daughters smile when they received their cheer medals at the competition two weeks ago.

My baby turned one on Halloween. We did a costume party with all of her friends. Ok she doesn't really have friends but she has a lot of siblings and cousins. The party was great and she loved all of her gifts even the clothes. She taste tested everything she opened. Oh how I can not wait until she grows out of the stage of putting everything in her mouth. Even at one she has such a personality about her. Not to mention she sucks everything in like a sponge. It is like having my own little parrot. She watches our every move and then mimics it the best that she can. I worked a lot when my other kids were this age. So I have not been able to determine yet if she is just a baby genius or if this is just normal. I am leaning towards genius.

With one daughter moving into toddler years my eight year old is quickly moving into her teenage years. Yesterday she came home from school declaring that she needs makeup and hair stuff. Stuff meaning mousse and hairspray. What do I say to that. On one hand I want to get it for her and on the other I do not want her to grow up to fast. Not to mention I am scared of what she may look like when she walks out of the bathroom in the morning. Makeup just is not her strong point. Maybe we will start off with some lip shimmer. I think I can handle a little shimmer. The next problem that all of this poses is my six year old daughter. All she ever wants it to be just like her sister. There is no explaining to her that there is two years between them and somethings she will just have to wait to do. I do not foresee this getting any easier as the years go on either. These girls will truly be the ones to test my patients that's for sure.

Baby Hunter

Today was my sons tenth birthday. Though it was not celebrated quite like my other children. Hunter passed away from cancer in 2003. Just a few months before his third birthday. He was a special child from the day he was born. So alert and happy. He walked at eight months and could count and sing his ABC's before he was two. The diagnosis came just before his second birthday. The eight months that followed were a roller coaster of emotions. If it was not for his bald head some may have never known he was sick. Care free and happy until the end. Not to mention he loved his little sister. How many kids do you know that love their siblings? LOL

Hunter was special and my gift from God you could say. I am not a spiritual person but I do believe that all things happen for a reason. I am not still not sure the exact reason such a special little boy was given to me on this day ten years ago. But I am thankful for every minute I had with him. I feel him almost everyday. I see him in the eyes of my children. I occasionally yell out his name when calling for my children at dinner. I like to think that Hunter has a little to do with that. I had three children after his death and my oldest daughter was to young to remember him. It does not seem to matter though. They all know who Hunter is and how he passed. We aren't sad anymore. We celebrate him and talk about him often. So today on his birthday my sister, her kids, and a friend and her daughter came to my house to sing Happy Birthday. I made eight little heart shaped cakes each one with its own candle. It was nice to see all the kids blow out a candle for Hunters birthday. Happy Birthday Baby Hunter. Until we meet again...

STATS...

It was recently brought to my attention that google has added a STATS tab. This enables me to see things like how many times my blog has been visited and which entries have been read the most. Along with that information it shows me where those people live. I have 720 in the USA, 11 in France, 7 in Canada, 1 in Israel and 1 in Slovenia. This may sound dumb but where the hell is Slovenia? None the less I am flattered to have anyone read this. Even if I have no idea where they live. This is also shows me that some of you are not following my blog publicly. Show yourselves! LOL

I am having trouble thinking of things to write lately. Luckily I follow a few blogs that have given me inspiration. I was thinking maybe I will give the readers the option to pick a topic. If it is a good topic that I can relate to or write about without embarrassing myself and those who know me, I will post it. So this is your chance people what would you like to read about from me....

Google Search

As requested by several of my fellow blog writers I googled myself. While I found no google images containing myself I did find one then is linked to me. I have a few friends who are Dj's. You know the kind that do mix tapes and have connections in G-unit. I can only take their word for it. Mostly cause I go to bed at 9pm. Fun stuff does not go down until after that. None the less I am happy to say I know the both of them. If ever they become famous I have been promised that I will have a giant house in a tropical place. We will see how this plays out I guess. So with out further ado here is the pic...

A few nights ago my friend came over to visit. She works for a portrait studio and has taken pictures of all of my children. All them except the baby that is. Her first birthday is just around the corner and I still have yet to take her to get professional pictures done. After five kids you tend to realize how much money you waste on such pictures. I still have envelopes full of picture packages never passed out or I just ordered to many.

My friend just so happened to have one of the old props from her studio in her car. The little wooden tub that everyone loves to stick their half naked babies in to take a picture. I was in luck I guess I had not only a half naked baby but I also had the black sheet, the pink rubber ducky and a few towels. Insert tub here and we have a photo shoot. No fancy cameras just my digital camera and away she went. She took a few of the baby and soon all the kids wanted to get in the tub.

Today I loaded those pictures onto my computer and touched them up a little. I added some color and their names. I figured my two older kids have school and cheer pictures. What do the little kids have? Nothing! My plan was to take them to wal mart and print them out in wallet size and pass them out to family and friends.

Printing pictures at wal mart is way more confusing and frustrating than one would think. Throw four kids in the mix and is damn near impossible. None the less with the help of a nice lady working the photo lab, I was able to print 8 wallets of each kid. When I took them up to the counter to pay for them. The woman quickly asked me where my copyright release form was. I was not prepared for that question. After all they were my pictures. Taken with my camera in my kitchen with my kids. My first thought was that the graphics I added may have looked suspect. Then it hit me. How many people have a little wooden tub and black back drop at home. I explained to them that I had a friend with a tub and blah blah blah. They looked at me weird and discussed among themselves. Finally they had reached the decision to hand my over my suspect pictures. Not before they had me sign a release form though.

Wedding Fever

Recently I have become semi addicted to wedding inspired shows. I watch them constantly. I feel I know way more about wedding dresses than the average unmarried girl. This annoys the hell out of my fiance. It is the equivalent to baby fever I am sure. ( I had a small dose of that after my last baby. My tubes are tied though so no worries ) So with my new found wedding obsession I was excited to be a part of two weddings. The first is my younger brothers which is next weekend. I am a bridesmaid. The second is a good friend from high school. Hers is tentatively scheduled for 2012. I am also a bridesmaid in hers. Luckily they have the same color scheme and I will be able to wear my dress to both. That is if I still fit in the damn thing in 2012. I am really pulling for them to push the date up a year or so. You would think at my age I would have attended tons of weddings. Nope I have only ever attended one and with these two coming up that makes a grand total of three. I always joke that my friends are whores and that's why my wedding attendance is so low. LOL Why do I get the feeling I am the only one laughing.
So moving on....Last week I went dress shopping with my friend. It was fun for me to help with the process. With help from the Maid of Honor we picked out almost every dress she tried on. Some were more to our liking than hers. But in the end she bought the most perfect dress. Insert Jealous face here! I can not wait to have a ceremony. My fiance is not as enthusiastic as I am about it though. He was married once before. I think it was a marriage of convenience and health insurance policies than love. But who am I to point fingers? None the less I am hoping that after seeing me in my brothers wedding this coming weekend that he will pick up the pace and at least pick a damn date with me. My oldest daughter has caught a bit of wedding fever herself. She plans it almost everyday. From colors to flowers to who is walking with who down the isle. It's cute. No matter what happens though whether a JP wedding or a small ceremony I am just happy to be with my fiance.

Got bored went home...

My sister came over tonight with all of her kids and her borrowed daughter. I made meat loaf, mashed potatoes, broccoli cheddar, and biscuits. Not to mention muffins for dessert. This is my usual fall night. I enjoy having everyone over to eat. I have a huge table and lots of chairs for everyone. After dinner my sister and I took some time to compare our bridesmaid dresses for my little brothers wedding. Which is in 16 days. I showed her my daughters dresses and shoes. I know we are exciting people aren't we?! Once the dress comparing came to an end...10 minutes tops. We sat all the kids down in the living room to watch a movie. It was on Nickelodeon. The movie was called "Fred the movie" Clever I know. In the movie the prepubescent teenage boy was in love with a girl named Judy. We laughed the entire way through the movie. My three year old even found it funny. For me it was a little funnier every time this character said the name Judy.
Flash back to this past summer.....
My children were outside playing on a Friday evening. I was in the kitchen making tacos. Friday has become Taco Night. The children look forward to it all week. They tell all of their friends about our families taco night. This taco night was no different from any other. I kicked the kids outside to play while I got everything ready. When dinner was ready I yelled off the back deck that dinner was ready. All of them came rushing from the park next door. You would swear I never feed them. My fiance loves to have races and contest. This was not the first time they had a taco eating contest. The rules were simple who could eat one the fastest and who could eat the most. You will never believe who won....My fiance. (I swear he has a tape worm) That night we ate over thirty tacos between all of us. It was almost dark when we finished.
After dinner I started the usual bedtime procedures of showers snack and teeth brushing. With all the children tucked in bed my fiance and I finally laid down. We had plans for the next day. Not that I can remember what those plans were. But I have a good excuse the only thing that stands out to me from that day was the note written in chalk at the bottom of my steps. We were headed out to get all the kids in the car when I turned around to read what it said.

GOT BORED
WENT HOME
JUDY

I had no idea who Judy was. I was telling my fiance what was written on the sidewalk. My children chimed in with a little help. Apparently the night before just before dinner was done they were playing with a little girl they had just met at the park. When I yelled that dinner was done. My children told Judy to just wait for them in our yard and they would be right back out. Needless to say they never did make it back out.
So to Judy I say this. Sorry they forgot about you and thanks for the note.

Charming

A few days ago while randomly shuffling through blogs. I came across a blog entry of a girl from California who recently moved to Australia. I believe the name of the blog was Hed Down Under. (sorry I do not know how to link it) She was talking about shopping for a charm bracelet to represent her new and old life. It inspired me. Not to move to Australia...although that would be awesome. It made me want to get a charm bracelet. One that represented me and my life. I do not mean one of those pandora beaded charms ones either. If I wanted a beaded bracelet I would have my kids make me one. After some deliberation and my fiance offering to pay for it I did some research. I did what most people do these days. I posted it on my facebook wall asking for peoples input on where I should get it from. I forget who mentioned Confers Jewlers in Bellefonte but who ever did...Thank You.
I went to confer today with my mom and my two youngest children. We got there not long after 11am. For those of you who know my mother you will know that that was a task in it of itself. ( She is almost non functioning before 2pm) I spent an hour flipping through the book of charms. I was having trouble deciding what would best to describe my children in charm form. I wanted one for all five of my own children and one for my fiance. I finally came up with some pretty solid ideas. I will run through them for you and if you have a better idea it may be to late cause I already ordered them.

Fiance-----> Wrench...he is a mechanic
Son # 1----->Angel wings...he passed on 4/26/03 from cancer
Daughter#1-----> Princess Tiara...a complex she was given by a family friend before birth
Daughter #2----->Microphone...she is my little performer
Son #2-----> Dollar sign...his nick name is MONEY
Daughter #3----->Jack o Lantern...she was born on Halloween

I feel pretty confident that those will translate well for them when they are older. I am sure my collection of charms will not end there. I have my eye on a few more. So if any of you are wondering what do I need for the following holidays...Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Kwanzaa CHARMS! Here are a few examples four leaf clover, skull, Celtic symbol, and a tattoo gun would be sweet. Although I did not notice that last one in the book. LOL Seriously though I am so excited about this bracelet. I am not real big on jewelry I have worn the same necklace and earrings for that last ten years and have no urge to switch it up. I am thinking this charm bracelet will be the same way. Only difference is I can add to it and make it my own.

I sleep with my door open.

Sorry I have not had a post in a few days. It has been a crazy week. I had a little sit down meeting with my fiance and his ex wife to go over some issues we were having. Needless to say that did not go well. It did however further prove to me that she truly is jealous and bitter. I will give you just one small example of how I came to that conclusion. This womans number one issue that she wanted to go over was the fact that we locked our bedroom door at night. REALLY?! I took the subtle approach at first. I explained how our door is not locked all night, just for an hour or two. She still insisted that this was a problem for her 6yr old son. Something about he needed the reassurance in the middle of the night that we were still there? Yes that was the best she came up with. She claims to sleep with her door open all night. When I further explained that most nights we do not go to bed til 2 am. She quickly responded with "Well he sometimes gets up at 3am." I was begining to see this was a I broke my arm in two places and she broke hers in three kinda thing. After five minutes of her trying to tell me how inappropriate I was for locking my bedroom door I whispered across the table. "We lock our door cause we are busy." Of course she had nothing to say to that and changed the subject.
I learned from that small part of the conversation that day. She truly is jealous. If she thinks some made up story of child insecurities is going to keep me from having sex in my own house she needs therapy. Her son has never voiced any of these concerns to us. Maybe it is true. Maybe at her house those things happen. My question to her is...How often do you leave your children home alone at night that they need to check your bed for your where abouts? I wish I would have thought of that while she was across the table from me. I doubt I will ever have the oppurtunity to do so.
I am thankful for everything that I have in my life. My fiance really is a wonderful loving person. I believe we bring out the best in eachother. Guess that was something she just was unable to do. The saying is true..."You do not know what you have until it is gone." In my case I already know and I have no plans on making any changes.

Bitter Bitches make me sick

I do not even know where to begin. I have such an inner turmoil going on right now. It has to do with my fiances ex wife. She hates me for whatever reason. I think it has alot to do with the statement..."You don't know what you had until it is gone." She sent him a text message not to long ago telling him how she missed him and wished that things were the way they used to be. The message went on to say some other things about the hows and whys their relationship failed. In the end she blamed herself. Which is why it is so hard for me to understand why she acts as if I stole her man. They were divorced for at least two years when I met him. She tried numerous times to run me off with all the drama she caused. I never even considered it. I love this man with or without all this mess going on. We are perfect for each other. Maybe that is what eats her up inside. I made it work with him where she could not.
I wish the problem was as easy as that. Although it is not. Her hate for me has trickled down to the two children they have together. As much as this woman tries to convince me that she has never spoken a single bad word to her kids about me I know better. Just last weekend her six your old son spent the day with me because my fiance was working. The entire day was fine he played and had no problems. As we were heading back to the car he turns to me and says that his mom hates me. Now my first reaction was to agree but he is six and I was sure that he had no idea what he had just said. I tried to reassure him that she in fact did not hate me. Who would say such a thing I asked him. He quickly replied with..."MY MOM." I stood there stunned that this conversation was taking place. I just laughed it off but he apparently wanted to make sure that I heard him right cause he repeated it several times after that. He did good cause his point came across loud and clear his mom hates me. Now I can't say that my feelings were hurt. This woman is not worth the time of day. Yet it still bothers me that someone would poison an innocent child to hate a person who helps care for him.
The story does not end here. After a series of events yesterday this woman felt like she should contact me and reassure me that she does not have a problem with me. I proceeded to tell her all the things that her children have told me over the last year or so that I have been in their lives. Of course she denied every ounce of it and stuck to her story of she does not hate me. Her tuned changed when I struck a nerve of how she does not address the problems that her children have. Her son wets the bed still at the age of six. He was diagnosed with a medical condition and has since been put on medication to help stretch his bladder. That is not the problem, the problem is that he has told me and my fiance and several occasions that he wets the bed at his moms house every night too. When asked if he gets a shower in the morning he said no. Come on what kind of mother sends their child to school smelling like urine. When I brought this to her attention her first response was that he does not pee the bed. As we got further into the conversation of bed wetting she again changed her story and said that she does clean him up in the morning. Now if I have not lost you I am sure that you can already see the problem with her story. If he does not wet the bed then what are you cleaning up? This is just one of many examples of how she put her foot in her mouth.
The phone conversation eventually ended when I asked her about the text she sent to my fiance saying how she missed him. At first she denied that those messages even existed. Luckily I saved those messages that were time/date stamped. She had backed herself in a corner. She had spent the last twenty minutes telling me how much of a worthless person my fiance was and that she was the one that kicked him out and she hated him and blah blah blah. Now with contradicting evidence right in her face she did what every bitter bitch does. She hung up and called my fiance to tattle on me. LMAO!
The turmoil comes from the fact that I feel like sides need to be chosen. My fiance talked to his daughter today and of course her mother already told her her side of the story which I am sure amounted to..."She started it!" Classy I know. When he called to tell me that he had talked to his daughter he hinted to the fact that he took a neutral position. WHAT? I guess he told his daughter that none of it should have happened and everyone was out of line. WTF. Mind you this woman contacted me through text message first and when she felt like she was losing the battle she called me. I have never spoken more than two words to this woman. So to call me she must have had something real good to say right? WRONG! She spent most of the time on the phone telling me half truths about her past and current relationship with my fiance. She was the one name calling and screaming. I never once called her out her name. I may have sounded hoodtastic but that is what you get when you make me mad. So why was it that when he talked to his daughter he didn't stick up for me? I mean really I think I at least deserved that. Had she not contacted me none of it would have happened. Was it my fault that the truth hurt her so much? Now I feel some sort of way with the thought of having the kids up here this weekend. She told me that both her kids hate me. I know she is a compulsive liar but where do I go from here. I have four of my own kids to worry about and keep happy. I just don't know if I can do for those kids what I do for my own. My own kids show me love and appreciation. The smiles on their faces are what keeps me going. I don't get the same response from his kids. I just don't know what the next step should be. This every weekend shit just does not work. They really are only here for a day total and that day is spent hating on me mostly. I almost wish that we had moved far far away so that an extended summer vacation is all I had to deal with.

Its the little things...

I got my son a new pair of shoes today. Not because he needed them for school or anything after all he is only three. I got them cause I loved them. They were the cutest shoes I have come across. Usually boys shoes are not fun. There are no cute sparkles or gems. No pink bows or lace. I have three girls so when I think of cute shoes that is what comes to mind. My son would have no quams with wearing such cute pretty in pink shoes. He loves to have his hair done with hairspray. Just the other day my two daughters were kind enough to do his makeup. He "lobed it" (loved) as he says about most things. Growing up in a house of all girls must be hard for him. Maybe not so much now but definately when he gets older. I take comfort in knowing that he at least has my fiance as a strong male role model. Yet (in no offense to him) he has lacked personal style. Don't get me wrong pirate apparel is hot but in public it does not always fly. LOL. So I have taken it upon myself to choose clothes and accessories for the both of them.

Back to the shoes. Now I said I bought them because I loved them. I never thought for a second what was to follow. After showing my son the shoes he quickly set them on his lap in the cart and began to point out all the familiar faces. After his display of rapid recall he was insistent that we go and pay for them. When I say persistent I mean every three minutes he was yelling PAY! Once the shoes were paid for and safely in a bag he carried his bag to the car. Held the bag on his lap the entire trip home. Carried them up the steps to the house. Where he quickly pulled them from the bag and began insisting that I put them on him. You already know how the insisting thing goes. I cut the tags laced them up and put them on his feet. I am pretty certain they may be one size to big. It does not seem to bother to him in the least. My son has not been outside at all to play yet he has not taken his new shoes off. He is so proud of his shoes he had me take pictures of them and send them to poeple. It is now bedtime and I am having trouble convincing him to take them off. This is a battle I choose to lose. I want my kids to have a happy healthy childhood. If sleeping with your brand new sweet ass shoes that the best mommy in the world bought for you makes you happy. Then by all means that is what he is allowed to do.

Family...

I know it has been a few since I wrote anything down. I am sure everyone (the seven ppl that follow this) is waiting patiently to hear what fun and exciting things have been going on in my life. For those of you who I call or see on a regular basis (all seven ppl following this) you pretty much know.
The most exciting thing that has happened is that my boyfriend is now my fiance. I got a big rock to go along with that title to. I always thought of myself as being single forever in the sense of never having the wedding and husband kind of single. While I have always had boyfriends I never felt that any of them were husband material or that they thought that I was wife material. My fiance has changed that train of thought. We have not set a date nor have we even talked about it we are just content with living on this plateau of engagement status for the time being. However the one thing I do know is that I will not be "all dressed in white" as the story goes. After all who I am I trying to fool. I am no virgin bride. So in true pirate fashion my dress will be red. My daughters are excited although the family tree thing confuses them a little. I am sure in time they will understand who is related, how and the official title of relation. My second daughter seems to think that once we are married my fiance will be her dad and her dad will then be her step dad. Poor girl she is so lost when it comes to family. We try to keep things straight for them but it can get very confusing and difficault.
My fiance comes from an awesome tight knit family. Just this past weekend we attended his Grandmothers 95th birthday celebration. It was an all day affair. Family flew in from all over the country. They treated myself and all of my children like we were their own flesh and blood. I had a good time and miss the days of when I was a kid and had the same such parties with my own extended family. Those days are long gone but the memories remain. I hope my children will carry similiar memories. After all how could one forget what a jersey/louisiana accent sounds like or perhaps a canadian/nashville one. The day turned to night and oddly enough all the 95 year old were still kicking. Music runs deep in the heart of this family. A few members of the family belong to a local band. At sunset they began to set up in the back yard to provide a little entertainment for all of us. But before they started to play they announced that my oldest daughter would be performing a cheer first. I wasn't sure if she would go thru with it. All day she was talking about showing everyone her cheers but would get scared right before she was about to do one. To my surprise she did one! It required audience participation, which everyone obliged and joined it. She was smiling from ear to ear with pride. It was one of those moments that I won't soon forget. I am happy to be a part of this family and even happier that my kids are.

p.s. Lillian is almost walking. I am betting within a week she will be walking all on her own. Currently she takes three or four steps all alone. Once she realizes she is walking she gets excited and falls down. Oh how I love these milestones.

Free time...?

I have been having a sort of writers block since my last post. A few times I have opened up this blank format and stared at it. Maybe I was thinking that sitting here in front of it would give me inspiration to write something great. Not such the case. Then I started to think that just maybe I honestly had nothing to write about. After all my life is semi uneventful. My days for the most part follow the same schedule day after day. The weekends are the only thing I have to look forward to. Although not for the same reasons I used to. I used to count down until I could go out and hang out with my friends. Now all the weekend brings is the enjoyment of family activities. I am not complaining by any means. I love spending my saturday afternoons with my boyfriend and all the kids. I just long for the days when it can just be me and him.
Thankfully this weekend we have the opportunity to go out for the evening. My sister has planned a birthday celebration for her 25th. Even though I do not drink and hate drunk people I am looking forward to doing this mini bar tour. It will help to break up the monotony of my everyday life. Since childhood I have always enjoyed just watching people. My mom used to take us to downtown Pittsburgh to window shop. We did not have alot of money then (nor do we have alot now) so we spent most of the day watching the comings and goings of the people on the streets. It was amusing to me to watch people. Please don't think that I am being rude or judgemental when I did this that is not at all what I was doing. I simply observe and if something funny happens I laugh to myself. It is these small moments of comedic simplicity that I enjoy. A miss step on the side walk, toilet paper stuck to a shoe or that one drunk girl in 6 inch heels slowly making her way home. This is what I am going to do this weekend while the rest of my friends get wasted. No kids and Tommy by my side. I can not wait.

Three years have gone by...

Today my son turned three. It seemed like just yesterday that I was being wheeled into the operating room for an emergency C-section. We almost lost him his heart rate dropped dangerously low. He was a little over three weeks premature. Which made him the smallest baby I have given birth to. He weighed 4lbs. 12oz., the doctors at first were almost certain he was well below 4lbs. Once they fluffed him up and dried him off, as they said, he looked bigger. Three days in the hospital, one day under the billy reuben light for jaundice and one car seat test later we were free to go home. Yet I always feared that something was wrong.
My first son died from cancer at 2 1/2 years old. The thought was always in the back of my head that my second son could be taken away just as suddenly. I would watch him sleep to make sure he was breathing. As he got older I would worry about the size of his head. Was it harboring a tumor that no one knew about? It was even more eery to look at him he could have been a fraternal twin to my first son. Not quite identical but close enough to run chills down your back. I catch myself calling him by the wrong name sometimes. I know he is not him but you can not help but wonder. He seems to recognize people he has never met before. While I know he can not replace my first son he has been such a blessing. Everyday he makes me smile. He is one of the most loving and helpful little boys. Quite like his brother was.
We had a scare a few months ago. It was right around the anniversary of my first son's passing. My son started to have these episodes of throwing up in the middle of the night for almost a week. It seemed to only happen during his times of sleep. I made an appointment with the doctor.
The doctor also found it strange. Things like this usually only happen when something is wrong in the brain. She recommended that we wait a few more days and if it did not get better to take him for a ct scan. My heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. I clung to my son tighter. I could not go through that again. I knew the anxiety of not knowing would be to much to wait a few days. I insisted we go right away. The doctor agreed but said it may not be covered under my insurance if I did not wait. Did she really think that would deter me? So the next morning we found ourselves in the ct scan waiting room. The poor little guy had no idea what was going on. I told him we were going to take his picture. That was sufficient until we actually got back to the room. He would not sit still long enough so we had to strap him down. I wanted to cry he was just screaming and begging for me to let him out. I layed on his chest and rubbed his ears to try and calm him through the process. What took just minutes seemed like hours at that moment. It took five days for the results. That seemed like an eternity. All that was running through my mind was all the what ifs? What if it was a tumor? What if it was nothing? It was so close to the day I lost my first son. What are the odds that I would get such horrible news about my second son. I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of those types of things. Finally the call came in everything was normal. The news was great yet I still felt like I had not won yet. I felt like I was running a race. Race against fate of some sort I guess. The end of that race was the age of three. I know it sounds weird but I felt like if we could get to that everything would be ok. I could breathe again. Well this morning we made it. My son blew out THREE candles. At that moment just a small weight was lifted from my shoulders. Though he is not here I feel him everyday and see him in the eyes of my other children.

Potty Training 101

My son will be three in just a few days. Yet he had no urge to start potty training. I had to take over and make it a mandatory thing. Buying two different sized diapers gets pretty expensive. It didn't seem like my eight month old had much interest in walking by herself so I just assumed potty training was out of the question for her. I told my son three days ago that he was out of diapers and I was not buying anymore so he had to use the big boy potty. That statement went over better than I had expected. He did not fuss or whine. I was a little less prepared for what was to come in the coming hours. I only owned three pairs of underwear that santa had got him. Glad I wasn't the only looking forward to no more diapers.
The first two hours of training were spent sitting on the little kid potty seat. We continually pumped him full of apple juice. The theory was if he knew what it felt like to pee in the potty he would just get it. After all he is a smart kid. At the two hour mark he finally relaxed and let it loose. We all did the pee pee dance together. He was so proud of himself. I was so excited I texted everyone and posted it on Facebook of course. The celebration was short lived cause ten minutes later he peed a trail around my entire coffee table. Despite my four hundred questions asking if he had to pee. I changed his underwear and started over. Yet a few hours later I found him in the kitchen with a towel next to him soaking up a puddle. For some reason at first it did not click to me what the puddle was from. I searched for a spilled drink or a leaky air conditioner. Once I figured out what was puddled on the floor I felt a little defeated. But I was not ready to give up yet. What else did I have to do that day anyways. Might as well potty train. I am so happy that I did cause it seemed like he was finally getting the swing of things. He told me every time that he had to go potty and my girls and I dropped what we were doing and manned our stations as I called it. The girls watched the babies. Babies meaning mine and my sisters who I was watching for the night. While I ran and threw my son over the baby gate so he could make it to the potty in time. Every drop of pee was a mini celebration. The grand finale was when he actually pooped. The only thing I forgot to teach him was to wipe his butt. Yep you guessed it he just pulled them up which resulted in poop in the underwear. Not enough to make me gag but enough to change them. I was slowly running out of underwear for him. Bed time came just in time. Pull ups it was. That night I didn't sleep good at all I kept getting up to make sure he didn't have to pee. He went pee twice that night and woke up with a dry pull up. Mission acclompished?
The day was going pretty good only one pee accident and thankfully it was not on my couch. Later in the day he went to his room to lay down and fifteen minutes after he went in there I went to check on him. I opened the door and instantly smelled poop. My worse fears were confirmed, he pooped in his big boy underwear. Underwear is not expensive enough for me to wash and save in instances like this. We bagged them up and threw them away. He was sad about it cause they were his new toy story underwear we bought earlier that day. It was part of his prize for doing such a good job the night before. I revoked the best part of his prize (a toy story beach towel) until he could get it together and not poop in his big boys. Day number three and we are doing good. He even attempted to pee outside today with my nephews who have no problem whipping it out and going. It does not matter where they are park, yard, or street they just go. It was cute to see them all lined up around a pine tree. I hope he is completely potty trained by his birthday. That is more of a present to me than him I guess.

Was wondering if they make a medicine that helps you sleep through your childs teenage years?

My daughters are eight and six according to their birth certificates. Ask them how old they are and sometimes the answer varies. My eight year old "feels" fifteen alot and my six year old talks like she is going on twenty. I always dreamed of having all boys girls were never in my plan. I know what my sister and I were like and what we put our parents through. Karma seems to be passing by my house more and more as they get older. My youngest is so calculated almost like she is always planning something. Since the day she was born I would joke how she had mob connections. With each passing year that idea solidifies. One day Big Sal will be at my front door asking to speak with her.
I treat them sort of like twins in a way. I always dress them in similar outfits. I just yell "GIRLS" when I need them for something. As they get older though I am noticing that they have two opposite personalities. My oldest is full of anxiety. She must know every detail of the day before it starts. If something gets changed like a time we need to leave or something that needs cleaned it throws her into a full blown anxiety attack. It is as if at eight she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. We have helped battle these meltdown with the help of list and not telling her of any future plans later in the week. Her social life is exploding. It seems like every weekend she has a friends house to go to. Her appearance has become important to her. She has a very funky ecclectic taste when it comes to clothes and accessories. Mismatched outfits, two different earrings, scarves, not to mention her hair and nails. I have colored her hair with several colors of manic panic and recently we cut it a little shorter than normal. Now she styles her hair so that it hangs over her one eye. (Her younger sister calls that the one eye.) I am not so scared of her becoming a teenager. I imagine she will be the girly girl that happens to dress like a punk rock star of some sort. As for my other daughter I may need to be put in a coma.
A few nights ago my oldest was of course staying at her friends house so as a special treat to my younger daughter I let her stay up late with my boyfriend and I. She must have imagined a fun filled night of playing on the wii. Probably because we always joke that the adults stay up late every night and play it without the kids to kill us. After convincing her that we did not play the wii on thursdays she settled for sitting on the back porch and hanging out while we talked about our days. That was short lived when she told the both of us to stop talking it was her turn. Her stories started out with innocent talks about what was on the disney channel and then it quickly turned. It gave me a glimpse of what life was going to be like in a few year. It was hard to keep a straight face. She began to tell me how a boy named evan in her class said he was in love with her. They are in Kindergarten. I threatened to find evan and beat him down. She wasn't having that. She then defended the story with the fact that she did not love him. I suppose that makes things a little better. The conversation eventually lead to when she was 16 she would have a car and I was going to get it for her. I declined that idea and told her to get a job. She bypassed that idea and went on to tell me of all the reasons why she may be late for her curfew. Yes she already had excuses such as car trouble and her watch broke. What will she come up with in the next ten years in her list of excuses? I don't want to think about it. I just want to find a medicine that will allow me to sleep through the teenage years.

Life could always be worse.

I know that usually I write about my children and their daily endeavors. I guess in a way I still am. My childrens father is your classic example of a dead beat dad. He has not paid me a dime of support. Not that money makes or breaks the definition of a dad but money would not hurt. I take care of my children with the help of my current boyfriend. Aside from the child support issue he still stinks as a father. Before I went to get court ordered custody he would just come and go as he pleased. I did not think this was either fair or healthy for my children. He continually made promises to them that he would pick them up for the weekend or take them some where fun. He did all this knowing he did not have the means or time to do so. Not that he was working and that is what was filling up his time. Honestly I could not tell you what it was exactly that consumed so much of his time. All I know is that week after week he would not show up when he said he would. As a way of covering up for his lack of responsibility his family would come get the kids and take them to their house. He would eventually show up at some odd hour of the night and wake the kids. As if to say "Look I made it aren't you happy to see me?" That routine only flies for so long. That is why I went to court. I wanted it in writing when and where and for how long. It was supposed to cut out some of the drama The first custody order stated that he could get them when and where I deemed fit basically. I was nice and decided that every weekend from friday to sunday at his parents was sufficient. Obviously he did not think the same way I did cause that rarely happened. Once again I went back in front of the judge and told him the drama he was exposing my kids to when he did have them. He would always talk bad about myself and my boyfriend to them. So when they came home on sundays they were cold to us. Almost as if we had done something wrong. The judge decided it was best if he only had supervised visits from a CYS case worker. It was his responsibility to set these up. Something he still has not done to this day. He still calls me every once in awhile and asks how the kids are. Thoughtful right? Wrong! Calling at midnight to check on the welfare of your children is not acceptable. His family does not seem to quite get it either. They like to call him when they have my kids and invite him down to see them. Which as you know now is against the court order. I am ready to say just @#$% it all and cut them all off. We do just fine without any of them.
That is an example of just one dead beat dad out there. I am sure there are plenty more and there is no shortage of women who struggle to make it on their own. Yet some women who actually have a wonderful dad for their kids just can't seem to see it. My boyfriend is a great dad to his two kids. He pays his support, calls them everyday at the same time to see how they are. Not to mention he gets them every weekend without fail. He would love to get them more but his ex won't allow it. To her life is about money and material things. She thinks money buys happiness. If she needs something she thinks she can just call him and demand it. Now if it was something that was really needed he would have no problem but she demands things just so she doesn't have to use her support to actually support the kids. That is her spending money. How else does a woman who works half the year at maybe ten dollars and hour afford a new wardrobe every season. I will tell you how by living off of others. Yet she loves to cry poor and play the victim. She uses her kids as pawns in a game. They are nothing more than an accessory to her. It bothers me even more that she acts like this because of what I deal with on a regular basis with the father of my first four kids. I would love for her to really know what it is like to raise kids all alone. I haven't bought a new wardrobe since my parents took me shopping for new school clothes! My life is all about my kids. With or without their dad in the picture. Don't get me wrong I would love for my children to have a healthy relationship with their dad. Unfortunately that is just not going to happen anytime soon. I suppose it is hard to appreciate the things you have until they are gone. I just hope someday his ex can wake up and see what a wonderful person he is. I have given up hope on my ex. Life could always be worse. She could have my childrens father. I am thankful everyday for the life I have and wouldn't want it any other way. Life has been worse for me and I will never go back to that.

A night at the drive in

Friday we planned on taking the all six children to the drive in that is at least an hour drive from hour house. That planned quickly failed when the tahoe would not start. So we unloaded and unpacked six kids from the car. Plan B was to fix the tahoe and go saturday night. Tahoe fixed, we hoped. Saturday came and again we started the process of packing the car with blankets pillows and concealed outside food. Our hopes soon faded with the first turn of the key. They didn't get any higher with the other thirty turns that followed. Plan C was to borrow a car from a family member. The children and I unloaded the tahoe and transferred everything into the trunk of my car while we waited for car number 2 to arrive. With the arrival of car number 2 we quickly buckeled all six kids into the two cars and headed out to the drive in. After what seemed like forever we arrived at the drive in. The entire ride I was worried we would get there last and miss the start of the movie. Not to mention would there even be two spaces next to one another. The weather forecast of isolated thunderstorms was not one of my worries what were the odds. As soon as we turned into the lot I was relieved to see that we were not the only ones just getting there. There was about five cars in front of us. You would think that paying was a quick process. Not when it is an 80 year old woman. While waiting I had imagined all the conversations she was having with the cars in front of us. "How is your mom?" "Tell her I said hi." "Oh wow are your kiddos getting big! How old are they now?" After all we live in a small tight knit area where everyone knows everyone. Any other day this would not have bothered me but after putting forth such effort to get here and enjoy the night, the thought of her stopping to talk was irritating. Finally it was our turn. She walked up to my window and asked how many and the ages of my kids so as that she could slowly do the mental math in her head. Then she asked me if we had any outside food or drink. I had a flash of my children tellin her "Yes we have chips and the huggies we take to camp." Thankfully they were to focused on getting inside. I quickly responded with NO. There was no way I was paying $3.00 for a box of skittles! Once inside the fence we drove to a spot that allowed us to park next to eachother. The movie had just started. We unloaded and set up the chairs and blankets and pillows and began passing around our outside food and drink. There was a truck of four adults to our left and a couple on a car on our right. The first movie was eclipse. The movie plot gave and array of mixed emotions among my kids. While a few were excited to see werewolves and vampires a few were scared. This made for alot of reassuring that there would be no vampires or werewolves coming to eat anyone anytime soon. To top off the event the isolated thunderstorms had isolated themselves not far from us. It was quite the light show. Although for some reason it didn't seem to alarm the children in the least. At one point I was certain it would pour down rain but it held off. The first movie ended without any real melt downs from any of the kids including the baby. Intermission made for and eventful half hour which seemed like three hours. The baby was over sitting in the car so we set her on the blanket. She has a weird fear of grass. She isn't fond of touching it with her hands. This helped with keeping her on the blanket. The rest of the kids were dancing and releasing all the pent up energy they had accquired during the last movie. I laid on the blanket with my boyfriend and our baby. The children were getting louder and louder. My first instinct was to rally them all and have the inside voice talk. Instead I left them go and hoped that the nieghboring cars would not get mad. The second movie started just in time. I was close to putting them all in the car to go home. I wish I could tell you what the second movie was like but I am way to old for the drive in. I fell asleep. Not sure if the kids made it thru the movie either. The drive home was dark and long. My eyes were still a little fuzzy from my nap. We made it home by 2:30am. The drive in was not as fun as it once was when I was younger. It used to be fun to go and hang out and see friends and act up. I guess it still is fun just in a different way. It was fun to see the kids reclined in the driver seat and working the wipers. Watching them use there blankets as capes and running in circles. This almost seemed to happen in slow motion like in the movies during a flash back. None the less I did enjoy every minute of it. Especially the nap!

Was the zoo always this small?

We took a trip to the zoo yesterday. I think in the days leading up to it I was more excited than my kids were. I was anxious to see the look on their faces as we walked to each animal habitat and honestly I haven't been there since I was a child so I to couldn't wait to see the animals. The day started off early. It involved alot of bowls of cereal clean outfits and finding a match to a shoe. I began to have flashes of home alone. What if in the chaos of getting all the kids ready and loaded into the car we forgot one. So started the repeated counting of children. My baby went with my in laws for the day. As much as I love her I could not imagine taking such a small child amongst the older ones for a three hour drive one way and a six hour walk through the zoo. She wouldn't have remembered it anyways.

My sister finally arrived as we were loading seven kids in the tahoe. After dropping her baby off at the sitter we were on our way. We didn't map quest or google the directions. After all we were born and raised there so even if we missed a turn we should of been able to navigate our way. Not to mention there would be signs? Yea by signs I mean two. There was one right off the exit and one at the zoo. Needless to say we were lost in the heart of the ghetto. First sign you are lost in the ghetto is when you drive past the sickle cell society. We were not stopping for directions. If it had just been me I would have had no problem but with eleven kids I wasn't about to stop and possibly run into a problem. So we kept driving til we got somewhere that looked slightly less run down and googled and tom tom'd for directions. After our fifteen minute detour we arrived at the zoo just as the gates opened. The process of herding eleven kids a stroller and our cooler had started. We looked like a small school or possibly a day care. Which gave me the great idea of the buddy system. Yep we all had a buddy. It was just another thing for my sister and I to yell "GET YOUR BUDDY." The kids all held up pretty good only a few minor melt downs. That was our cue to serve lunch so we took over two picnic tables just outside of the aquarium and passed out the pre packed bagged lunches. Hey with fourteen people it was way cheaper and easier to pack. This to also added to the small school look of our group. It was funny to hear people through out the day tell their two kids to move over cause there was a big group coming. What was not fun to hear was my kids ask me what was on the monkey. I had no answer I just laughed and walked away. Thankfully they quickly forgot about it cause I wasn't about to have "THE TALK" in the middle of the troical rain forest exhibit. We went to every animal exhibit and took pictures and read fun facts. Before I knew it we were back at the gates. It had taken us gour hours from start to finish. To my kids this seemed like all day. To me it went fast. I thought for sure we would be there for the full six hours and even with all that time I had been worried we wouldn't see everything. Maybe the zoo wasn't smaller I was just older and the excitment of the animals was not as big as I had remembered. I am sure when my kids are older and with children of their own they to may have the same question "Was the zoo always this small?"

I have never loved my life more than I do now...

While I can not say that my life was terrible from day one it sure has not been the best. I went from an alcoholic father to a worthless boyfriend or two. My mom was always the constant in my life. She has always been not only a great mom but a wonderful friend as well. Despite all the things my dad did to her and put all of us through my mom was always there for us. Yet sometimes I hated her for not getting out of the terrible situation in which we were immersed. I swore I would not do the same to my kids. Yet years later when I had children I found myself there. The father of my first four kids has many issues. I excused them all with very generic excuses that all women use. Finally at one point I just accepted that that was what my life would be like until one of us died. Sad I know but I could not see any other way out of it. I thought since he was the father of my children that should be enough to make it work. But as my children got older I yearned for better for them. I hated living pay check to paycheck. Never having extra money to take my kids to do things or join an organized sport. Hell paying the electric bill every month was a struggle. No one should have to live like that especially when the problem was not that I did not have the money but that the father of my children was sneaking and stealing it to spend on lord only knows what. He was so good at it he started to convince me that I had given it to him or that I would get it back before the rent was due. I mean come on who does that! Why didn't he stress over bills and the kids the same way I did. I started to think maybe I was the one with the problems. Maybe I was the bitch and everything was my fault. I can remember spending days in my house locked away crying because my life had become some empty and dark. I know now that it was some sort of depression. Then one day I woke up and decided I would not allow my children to grow up the way I did with a controlling manipulative person. I told their father that I was done with him and he was free to stay thru the holiday season but then he had to move on with his life. At first he threw a fit and acted as if he couldnt and wouldnt live without me. For a split second I felt pity but then I saw my children standing there in a disheveled home with barely any food in the house and a father that could care less seeing as how I worked 50 hours a week and he worked zero he was the primary care giver. Yet he never seemed to care for the children. Months later I met a wonderful man who I am currently with today and plan to be with forever. I have been with him for almost two years now and I can honestly say we have never really fought. We just fit. Everything about him just clicks well with not only me but my kids as well. Him and I have one child together he does not treat her any different than he treats my children from my previous relationship. I never stess about bills. We are a 50/50 partnership. Whether it be chores around the house, appointments for the kids, or paying the rent he is always there to lend a helping hand. Sometimes he just does it without me asking. I couldn't ask for a better man. I couldn't imagine my life without from this point on. My children for once in their lives have a father figure. Not just a man that donated his DNA. He is there for every birthday party, school event, family outing and not to mention when they are sick. ( I don't do puke lol) The future is bright for us. I wake up everyday with a smile on my face knowing that everything is ok because he is here to help. I can only hope that when my children are grown they can look back on my desicion to leave their dad and say "Thank you mom for wanting and giving us better."

It can't rain all the time.

I had planned to take the kids to Whipples again today but the sky seemed to be getting darker and darker. So instead we spent the day inside. The kids peeked out of the windows all day insisting that it was not going to rain and that it was safe to go swimming. Somehow I found that hard to believe considering that the weather channel showed different. With all the extra free time we had you would think that we would pack for our over night camping trip. Think again! I just couldn't find the motivation to gather up tents, sleeping bags, and numerous outfits for four children. Thank God for my friend cause without her the process may have never started. My children waited all day for her arrival. Believe me it was not a patient process either. At least once every tweny minutes or so one of the three kids able to talk would ask where she was and how long til she got here. I swear if the baby could talk she would have got in on the rotation of repetitive questioning. She finally arrived a little after four just like she said she would. Which is good cause it renewed faith in my childrens eyes that I was not the liar they insisted I was when I said it wasn't time yet. My friend quickly got down to business and asked the kids to help her with the camping stuff. After a trip to walmart for food and dinner it was time to wind down. Try to tell that to a three year old who is overly excited to see my friend who he calls his aunt. He must have said her name a million times to get her attention so as that she could watch him run jump and dive head first into what I call my expensive living room set that I happen to be fond of. The idea of toddler spit and boogers stuck to it make me cringe and want to grab a damp cloth and a dryer sheet (it is a micro fiber couch). Although all the camping things were neatly piled in my downstairs hallway it seemed like the rain would never let up. Even if it was just for five minutes I could have packed the back of the tahoe. Needless to say I was just able to complete that task just a few minutes ago. Now it seems that the rain has stopped for how long I don't know. All I know is it needs to stay away for just a day. My kids are looking forward to this camping trip and if the rain ruins it they will never let me forget it.

This may help with the early onset Ol' timers...

A few weeks ago I started a journal to help me remember the little moments in not only my life but those of my children. I was doing really well with it until it came to the point that that was just another small thing in my everyday life to forget. Recently I subscribed to follow two blogs one of which being a good friend of mine and another of some random woman I don't even know. Yet somehow the woman who I don't know I can relate to as if I was reading a book of my own life. While the other blog has entries of me and my children. So with that I figured why not write one of my own. For not only my own friends and family but for those out there that share some small thread of commonality with my everyday life.

I have given birth to five of my own children. The first I lost to cancer. Although I am not sure he knows that cause he is still around. I can feel him every where I go as do all my other children. The other four are a handful but the stress of four kids under one roof under the age of eight is lessened with the help of my boyfriend. I also have two step children every weekend. Plus three step kids from my previous relationship. Needless to say things can get pretty hectic at meal time. I wouldn't have it any other way though. I spent the last eleven years working fifty hours a week. Which caused me to miss some of the wonders of my childrens firsts. Luckily I was laid off from my job in January. At first I thought I was going to lose my mind being stuck at home with the children 24/7. As time went on and I came up with a system things got easier and more enjoyable. I love to see the smile on my kids faces every morning when I wake up and every evening before I go to sleep. This is something that I missed before. Life is about making memories. Something I was not able to do when I had a full time job. So I am determined to make this the best summer my children have had thus far. So far we have thrown some pretty fun birthday parties and picnics. Gone camping, to lakemont, and are planning a trip to the zoo. Needless to say I will be buying alot of sunscreen this summer.


Oh yea I almost forgot my 8 month old got her first two teeth today!