I know it has been a few since I wrote anything down. I am sure everyone (the seven ppl that follow this) is waiting patiently to hear what fun and exciting things have been going on in my life. For those of you who I call or see on a regular basis (all seven ppl following this) you pretty much know.
The most exciting thing that has happened is that my boyfriend is now my fiance. I got a big rock to go along with that title to. I always thought of myself as being single forever in the sense of never having the wedding and husband kind of single. While I have always had boyfriends I never felt that any of them were husband material or that they thought that I was wife material. My fiance has changed that train of thought. We have not set a date nor have we even talked about it we are just content with living on this plateau of engagement status for the time being. However the one thing I do know is that I will not be "all dressed in white" as the story goes. After all who I am I trying to fool. I am no virgin bride. So in true pirate fashion my dress will be red. My daughters are excited although the family tree thing confuses them a little. I am sure in time they will understand who is related, how and the official title of relation. My second daughter seems to think that once we are married my fiance will be her dad and her dad will then be her step dad. Poor girl she is so lost when it comes to family. We try to keep things straight for them but it can get very confusing and difficault.
My fiance comes from an awesome tight knit family. Just this past weekend we attended his Grandmothers 95th birthday celebration. It was an all day affair. Family flew in from all over the country. They treated myself and all of my children like we were their own flesh and blood. I had a good time and miss the days of when I was a kid and had the same such parties with my own extended family. Those days are long gone but the memories remain. I hope my children will carry similiar memories. After all how could one forget what a jersey/louisiana accent sounds like or perhaps a canadian/nashville one. The day turned to night and oddly enough all the 95 year old were still kicking. Music runs deep in the heart of this family. A few members of the family belong to a local band. At sunset they began to set up in the back yard to provide a little entertainment for all of us. But before they started to play they announced that my oldest daughter would be performing a cheer first. I wasn't sure if she would go thru with it. All day she was talking about showing everyone her cheers but would get scared right before she was about to do one. To my surprise she did one! It required audience participation, which everyone obliged and joined it. She was smiling from ear to ear with pride. It was one of those moments that I won't soon forget. I am happy to be a part of this family and even happier that my kids are.
p.s. Lillian is almost walking. I am betting within a week she will be walking all on her own. Currently she takes three or four steps all alone. Once she realizes she is walking she gets excited and falls down. Oh how I love these milestones.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Free time...?
I have been having a sort of writers block since my last post. A few times I have opened up this blank format and stared at it. Maybe I was thinking that sitting here in front of it would give me inspiration to write something great. Not such the case. Then I started to think that just maybe I honestly had nothing to write about. After all my life is semi uneventful. My days for the most part follow the same schedule day after day. The weekends are the only thing I have to look forward to. Although not for the same reasons I used to. I used to count down until I could go out and hang out with my friends. Now all the weekend brings is the enjoyment of family activities. I am not complaining by any means. I love spending my saturday afternoons with my boyfriend and all the kids. I just long for the days when it can just be me and him.
Thankfully this weekend we have the opportunity to go out for the evening. My sister has planned a birthday celebration for her 25th. Even though I do not drink and hate drunk people I am looking forward to doing this mini bar tour. It will help to break up the monotony of my everyday life. Since childhood I have always enjoyed just watching people. My mom used to take us to downtown Pittsburgh to window shop. We did not have alot of money then (nor do we have alot now) so we spent most of the day watching the comings and goings of the people on the streets. It was amusing to me to watch people. Please don't think that I am being rude or judgemental when I did this that is not at all what I was doing. I simply observe and if something funny happens I laugh to myself. It is these small moments of comedic simplicity that I enjoy. A miss step on the side walk, toilet paper stuck to a shoe or that one drunk girl in 6 inch heels slowly making her way home. This is what I am going to do this weekend while the rest of my friends get wasted. No kids and Tommy by my side. I can not wait.
Thankfully this weekend we have the opportunity to go out for the evening. My sister has planned a birthday celebration for her 25th. Even though I do not drink and hate drunk people I am looking forward to doing this mini bar tour. It will help to break up the monotony of my everyday life. Since childhood I have always enjoyed just watching people. My mom used to take us to downtown Pittsburgh to window shop. We did not have alot of money then (nor do we have alot now) so we spent most of the day watching the comings and goings of the people on the streets. It was amusing to me to watch people. Please don't think that I am being rude or judgemental when I did this that is not at all what I was doing. I simply observe and if something funny happens I laugh to myself. It is these small moments of comedic simplicity that I enjoy. A miss step on the side walk, toilet paper stuck to a shoe or that one drunk girl in 6 inch heels slowly making her way home. This is what I am going to do this weekend while the rest of my friends get wasted. No kids and Tommy by my side. I can not wait.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Three years have gone by...
Today my son turned three. It seemed like just yesterday that I was being wheeled into the operating room for an emergency C-section. We almost lost him his heart rate dropped dangerously low. He was a little over three weeks premature. Which made him the smallest baby I have given birth to. He weighed 4lbs. 12oz., the doctors at first were almost certain he was well below 4lbs. Once they fluffed him up and dried him off, as they said, he looked bigger. Three days in the hospital, one day under the billy reuben light for jaundice and one car seat test later we were free to go home. Yet I always feared that something was wrong.
My first son died from cancer at 2 1/2 years old. The thought was always in the back of my head that my second son could be taken away just as suddenly. I would watch him sleep to make sure he was breathing. As he got older I would worry about the size of his head. Was it harboring a tumor that no one knew about? It was even more eery to look at him he could have been a fraternal twin to my first son. Not quite identical but close enough to run chills down your back. I catch myself calling him by the wrong name sometimes. I know he is not him but you can not help but wonder. He seems to recognize people he has never met before. While I know he can not replace my first son he has been such a blessing. Everyday he makes me smile. He is one of the most loving and helpful little boys. Quite like his brother was.
We had a scare a few months ago. It was right around the anniversary of my first son's passing. My son started to have these episodes of throwing up in the middle of the night for almost a week. It seemed to only happen during his times of sleep. I made an appointment with the doctor.
The doctor also found it strange. Things like this usually only happen when something is wrong in the brain. She recommended that we wait a few more days and if it did not get better to take him for a ct scan. My heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. I clung to my son tighter. I could not go through that again. I knew the anxiety of not knowing would be to much to wait a few days. I insisted we go right away. The doctor agreed but said it may not be covered under my insurance if I did not wait. Did she really think that would deter me? So the next morning we found ourselves in the ct scan waiting room. The poor little guy had no idea what was going on. I told him we were going to take his picture. That was sufficient until we actually got back to the room. He would not sit still long enough so we had to strap him down. I wanted to cry he was just screaming and begging for me to let him out. I layed on his chest and rubbed his ears to try and calm him through the process. What took just minutes seemed like hours at that moment. It took five days for the results. That seemed like an eternity. All that was running through my mind was all the what ifs? What if it was a tumor? What if it was nothing? It was so close to the day I lost my first son. What are the odds that I would get such horrible news about my second son. I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of those types of things. Finally the call came in everything was normal. The news was great yet I still felt like I had not won yet. I felt like I was running a race. Race against fate of some sort I guess. The end of that race was the age of three. I know it sounds weird but I felt like if we could get to that everything would be ok. I could breathe again. Well this morning we made it. My son blew out THREE candles. At that moment just a small weight was lifted from my shoulders. Though he is not here I feel him everyday and see him in the eyes of my other children.
My first son died from cancer at 2 1/2 years old. The thought was always in the back of my head that my second son could be taken away just as suddenly. I would watch him sleep to make sure he was breathing. As he got older I would worry about the size of his head. Was it harboring a tumor that no one knew about? It was even more eery to look at him he could have been a fraternal twin to my first son. Not quite identical but close enough to run chills down your back. I catch myself calling him by the wrong name sometimes. I know he is not him but you can not help but wonder. He seems to recognize people he has never met before. While I know he can not replace my first son he has been such a blessing. Everyday he makes me smile. He is one of the most loving and helpful little boys. Quite like his brother was.
We had a scare a few months ago. It was right around the anniversary of my first son's passing. My son started to have these episodes of throwing up in the middle of the night for almost a week. It seemed to only happen during his times of sleep. I made an appointment with the doctor.
The doctor also found it strange. Things like this usually only happen when something is wrong in the brain. She recommended that we wait a few more days and if it did not get better to take him for a ct scan. My heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. I clung to my son tighter. I could not go through that again. I knew the anxiety of not knowing would be to much to wait a few days. I insisted we go right away. The doctor agreed but said it may not be covered under my insurance if I did not wait. Did she really think that would deter me? So the next morning we found ourselves in the ct scan waiting room. The poor little guy had no idea what was going on. I told him we were going to take his picture. That was sufficient until we actually got back to the room. He would not sit still long enough so we had to strap him down. I wanted to cry he was just screaming and begging for me to let him out. I layed on his chest and rubbed his ears to try and calm him through the process. What took just minutes seemed like hours at that moment. It took five days for the results. That seemed like an eternity. All that was running through my mind was all the what ifs? What if it was a tumor? What if it was nothing? It was so close to the day I lost my first son. What are the odds that I would get such horrible news about my second son. I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of those types of things. Finally the call came in everything was normal. The news was great yet I still felt like I had not won yet. I felt like I was running a race. Race against fate of some sort I guess. The end of that race was the age of three. I know it sounds weird but I felt like if we could get to that everything would be ok. I could breathe again. Well this morning we made it. My son blew out THREE candles. At that moment just a small weight was lifted from my shoulders. Though he is not here I feel him everyday and see him in the eyes of my other children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)